Living with Calling

Transcript of a Sage Hill Live Fully Podcast conversation with Dr. Chip Dodd. Lightly edited for readability; speaker labels omitted.

You're listening to the Sage Show podcast on addiction with Dr. Chip Dodd and Phil Herndon. This is a new weekly podcast recorded at the Center for Professional Excellence. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the Sage Hill podcast. This is Phil Herndon along with Chip Dodd. Hello, Chip. Hey, Phil. We're, back in the old, office slash studio today. Been, doing a series of these on addiction, and we're gonna take a little detour today. And, it's really easy when you talk about addiction to kinda get locked into one, like, aspect of it, step, sponsor, meetings, all hugely important. But our detour today has to do more, I think, with a much wider swath in addiction recovery. It's how recovery brings us back to ourselves. Like, obviously, living in the throes of addictive disease is, not how we're made. It's not I've heard you say it a thousand times. I've repeated it a thousand times, and CPE guys will recognize this. Nobody, no little boy, no little girl, you know, lays across their bed when they're kids dreaming of the day when they can be in the throes in the bondage of addiction. And so, obviously, it's Can't wait to have that car crash and that, those consequences of some kind. Yeah. Can't wait to destroy my life. So no one does that. So, obviously, addiction recovery has to do with abstinence and plug in the jug as they say or or ceasing the the acting out or whatever the behavior is, but whole lot more to it. So, you've written several things about that, actually, and not just, like, abstinence is not enough. Yeah. Returning to the cell. Enough. Mhmm. So that's our subject today. There was a time before,

there was addiction in terms of each person's life. I mean, there was Mhmm. The self that was connected to to one's own experience unless unless levels of trauma occurred so profoundly that that the the the essential connection was robbed almost at birth. I mean, we're we're we we come into the world connected to ourselves, the capacity to speak, what's happening within us, to articulate what Thomas Lewis calls the stutterings and stammerings of the heart, the frontal lobe or the frontal brain or the thinking brain, the discerning brain, the judgment brain, even, the logic brain, ends up developing over time, and it's there to be able to wisely use and wisely display the, expressions of the heart, which is, you know, to express who we are, what we're made to do, and to do what we're made to do. Mhmm. To connect and also to, give ourselves to something bigger than ourselves, to create, to make. So that connection with ourselves, others, and and God, was normal and natural, and the struggle in that was also normal and natural to some days protest it and some days to be in love with it. And so in so many ways, addiction is an expression of a loss of connection. It's not just the thing that creates the loss of connection. It is an expression of connection being lost to myself, to others, and God. Yeah. And so the performer takes over for the presence of the true self, not that they were not made to perform. But what we've seen over time is that, many of the people that we've treated over the years, they entered their careers not because they were seeking a certain lifestyle only in terms of job limitations, economic benefits, prestige benefits. It wasn't only that. Their lifestyle benefits were secondary to a thing called a calling. Uh-huh. Because if all if they were only focused on life benefits, then they simply need lifestyle benefits. Lifestyle benefits not life, but lifestyle benefits. They just simply needed to get a job that would provide them those benefits. But so many of the people that we've treated over the years were, I would call, under a calling, or their their hearts had become located with a certain amount of of focus on a certain desire towards a certain end. Mhmm. In other words, they they had a a hope to participate in something or to do something of significance that really mattered to the betterment of the world. We think of there are certain physicians, for example, that they they will say, you know, from a young age, I wanted to be a doctor. Uh-huh. Or there'll be kids who grow up and in high school I just knew I was searching for the connection between, you know, meaning and healing. Or they say that it was the closest thing I could find to becoming a physician, the closest thing I could find that connected the dots of my brain that figured stuff out and at the same time wanting that figuring to be able to be experienced in a person so that I could be present when I could see it happening or something to that effect. But however this physician came to, figuring out med school and then becoming a practicing physician is the answer, Before that, they were under a calling. They were sure of what they hoped for, which means they they they had a passion. Uh-huh. They had a a a a picture of something that mattered to them that they were willing to move towards. They they were willing to be in discomfort or pain for something greater than the temporary discomfort or pain. And we know that that that's called passion, a willingness to be in pain for something that's greater than pain. And, also, they were doing it for these guys we've treated over the years that were under a calling. They were doing it for, the certainty of what was to come. They were sure of what they hoped for, and they were certain of what they did not see. In other words, the vision wasn't realized. So these, people had a a passion and a vision, sure of what they hoped for, that they were willing to be in pain to go towards, and certain of what they did not see, that there was a way to get to a place in which things were, let's just say, better, and their impact mattered so that there was an alleviation of something they wanted to change. They had compassion. Uh-huh. They saw pain, and they wanted pain to be changed, whether it was relieved, ameliorated, fixed, eradicated, whatever it happened to be. And people who function under a calling, can't help it. They they all it's almost like, obsessive and compulsive passion and vision, what I think about all the time, and therefore what I do with that all the time is try to make it happen. It's so close to obsessive compulsive. Mhmm. It's pretty remarkable. And obsessive compulsive behaviors, for example, we know are directly connected actions I take and thoughts I have to avoid the way I feel, which is the sick part. But the passion and vision I'm describing, the calling I'm talking about, is a a a willingness to feel whatever I've got to feel to get to where I'm going. That's the that's the difference between obsessive compulsive and passion and vision. Is one is willingness to feel, and another one is what I gotta what I need to do to keep from feeling. That's about disconnection or or ashamed of of my craving for connection. So anyway, what happens to so many of the people we've treated is that that calling becomes disrupted because the, vulnerability of passion begins to be, very hurtful, and then the energy applied to being willing to be vulnerable begins to wane because it's not being fed, it's not being reenergized. It's like the old, trains that ran on coal. Mhmm. If they're not fed that coal into that that engine, it doesn't produce enough, steam to end up moving that that train along. So what happens to people under a call, they have a passion, and that passion is a purpose, and then in that purpose, they have a plan. Mhmm. I'm gonna go do these things so this this passion can be realized, and the purpose of it is is blank. So so so many people become addicted. These people with callings become addicted because they have a passion, which has a purpose, and there's a plan versus what happens, they came up with a plan that had a purpose, and they end up having to motivate themselves to move towards it. Find a passion. Find a passion. Find a passion. So that's a a daily activity that exhausts someone. So and and so this is stay with me on this one because because what happens is a passion is bigger than oneself. You can't stop. The purpose of it, it hones it into sort of levees, creates levees where the river can flow. Like the Mississippi River would flood all the time until there were levees, creating great damage. This great power would be damaging until there were levees put on it, and it became an amazing channel through which cargo and water was delivered into the fields of, you know, soybeans and cotton and corn, and then it would travel the cargo ships, and these giant barges would haul stuff up and down, plus entertainment, steamboats, and on and on. And, so so purpose and then the plan is the plan needs to remain, and this is very it's very difficult. It requires that we stay in vulnerability, feelings, and dependency. The plan is always bigger than what we can do because the passion is so much bigger than we can ever complete. Mhmm. Because it's like it's like a source of just energy, energy, energy. It's like Mhmm. So what happens to us is that that the plans we have, which are bigger than we can do they're God sized. Two mistakes occur. One is that we make them small enough that we can do, which makes us lose our dependence upon others and God. Or we allow others to make our plans small enough that they can be done, which restricts us to a a level in which we're not doing a calling, we're doing a job. Uh-huh. Okay? So and then then we're not made for jobs. People under calling are not made for a job. They're made to burn themselves up, use themselves up in the life that they're made to live, not burn themselves out. Uh-huh. They're made to continue to refuel so they can, frankly, desire drive themselves to their end, whatever that happens to be. These people don't retire. They simply lose the capacity to function because they got old. Mhmm. You know? They they they had to give it up, but they left a lot behind. So what happens with the the we'll call it the professional or a person under a calling that we've treated for so many years, along the way, because they did not know the language of their own passion, because they weren't supported in, keeping that passion and it wasn't encouraged. It wasn't fed. Because we know that courage actually is in short supply. In other words, it's there's a certain amount within our hearts. Once it's poured out, it's gotta be refilled, and that's where the word encouragement comes from. We get re encouraged, which means encouraged. Mhmm. Right? So either these people lose contact with a passion because they didn't have the language of it, they're robbed of the passion because they're not supported in it, or what happens is their plans are made too small or they're restricted by others using this person's passion because they need support in fulfilling it. They they they end up wearing out because they're not fed. And wearing out means, for example, a physician. Let's stick with a physician. A physician has a passion, has a purpose, and has a plan who who is under a calling. They go to med school, and over time, instead of the heart continuing to be fed, they lose time to to get fed. Mhmm. And there's not a support system around to make sure it is fed because of the the way objectivity, scientific research. If you need if if you need a friend, get a dog. I mean, marriages are are under pressure and and often lost. These people are driven to their to their ends, in turn physically. And because of that, having to put education ahead of selfhood almost when actually both could be done at the same time with great struggle. But because selfhood is made secondary to education, there's the beginning of the wearing out. Now this person, because they have passion, will have enough energy to get to the end, the end of residency, whether they they they go from dermatology to neurosurgery. Still, they they have the energy to get to the end. Then when they go into practice and family occurs and all the responsibilities that come with all the things they don't know how to do, I mean, finances, organizational structure, all those sorts of things, when when the practice of medicine turns out so much differently than what they wished for or differently than how big their plans were, the the loneliness in it, managed care control, threats from people that they wanted to help in terms of torts, lawsuits, disappointment, lack of appreciation, and then also, trauma. So from blood and guts to boredom, all in between, that they really do have the sacred privacy and the neediness of a human being in their in their hands, so to speak. And yet the human being in the hands of a physician honestly is like holding sand. You know, you're given responsibility for the welfare of that individual. At the same time, you really don't have control over or with that individual. Yeah. So what a frustrating, difficult profession Mhmm. Calling requiring tremendous emotional reserves and tremendous assistance, connectivity with other people who likewise, can, have empathy and and relate. So, once the, physician enters that practice, if they're not already addicted through exhaustion, through trying to find a place to have a break without having to be vulnerable in heart, what happens is that the practice of medicine or the practice of what was once a calling becomes a practice of putting up with, not getting needs met oneself or not having time to do it because they just simply don't know how to take care of self so that their vision and their passion can be utilized for others' benefit, what happens is they begin to wear out. And wearing out turns to burnout instead of getting to burn up and over time, longevity. So what happens is that this original passion, which doesn't get fed, turns into a, having to motivate myself every day to get up and go. Because if I don't, the purpose of what I came for, people are gonna be mad now. They're gonna be pissed, and I've got bills to pay. And then, what happens is, the well, excuse me. The the plan, has to be implemented because of what what I have to do. And then the purpose of it is to keep people from getting mad at me now or to wind up not looking foolish, or the purpose begins to be I have to pay bills, or I don't know what else to do, and I don't have time to think about it. And then once was what what's what was once a passion now means I wake up and have to motivate myself to do it. So we we wind up doing plans because that was what I once thought it was going to be, and then I just simply go through the motions of what was structured and just go plug myself in for the purpose of not getting in trouble or not being caught or not being accused or or not being resented. It's like it's it's what I'm not trying to do instead of what I'm trying to do. Right? And then I have to motivate myself to do it. So what was once passion, purpose, and plan, because the plan got too small, becomes plan, then purpose, then having to motivate myself to show up every day and do it. And I'm telling you, addiction, false connection is really a solution to the loss of calling. And, we really do feel we've we've had the great good fortune over a period a long period of time now, returning people to their calling by returning them to themselves. Mhmm. We return people. Do you remember what you once used to dream? Mhmm. Do you think you could possibly go back to what you once used to feel? Do you think that you would be willing to consider that maybe you're like other humans who have the same needs that you don't even know what they are that of all other humans. Could you allow your ego to be reduced, the easing God out to be reduced to a return to how God made you, and you surrendering to the process of becoming human again, which will which we have found reawakens people not just to their their tears and potential to celebrate, they start to feel again, but reawakens them to, the passion of wanting to live again, which reawakens them to the calling that they once had on their lives, and they start to realize by my roots being watered, I produce more fruits, and my calling was to bring fruit to the people, whomever those people happen, to be. So, so many ways, addiction, people who have a calling, I personally believe, are just as prone or more prone to addiction than, frankly put, the general population. And and and and not because they're looking for entertainment, but because they're looking for something to keep them connected while they go about carrying the burden of wishing to express their compassion to help heal and care for others, which was once a passion of theirs. Mhmm. So, burnout leads to addiction. Addiction is an expression of burnout, and both are controlled by the the need to connect doesn't grow, and so the physician or the professional or a person under a calling pastor winds up wearing out instead of getting to have the opportunity to burn up Yeah. Which is to say at the end of the their journey, end of their quest, either one, they can actually say, you know, I gave what I had. I gave everything I had, and I'm grateful to do it. And, yes, I'm tired, but still, if I weren't so tired by age and time and, sort of the use of my life, I would do it all over again if I could. That's burning up. Yeah. So to, so, in so many ways, passion, purpose, plan is how we're made to have. People who have a calling are made to be attended to so they can keep it. The alternative is addiction, and addiction ends up occurring for that person under a calling through planning, and then having a purpose with it and then having to motivate myself every day to get up and go do this thing that was once something that I I simply couldn't help but do. So that's a lot. That's a lot. And and I don't know how many people will even listen to this, but that's a lot. But it's meaningful. And you and I expressed, great gratitude in, because we we have lived in a in a calling ourselves, Phil. Yeah. And so we our calling is to help people who have a calling. Mhmm. And, I'm grateful to to get to do it, but I so want, people who have a calling to be able to live in it, burn burn up in it, because, those are the people that help all the rest of us live lives, that are, can be beneficial and can be, fulfilling. The people under the collar are the ones that allow, the rest of us to have lifestyles and good jobs that provide lifestyles to let us live a life of, you know, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Mhmm. We need those people under callings because they are the leaders of our society. And if they are sick and they burn out, they wear out, we're sunk. Yeah. We're really sunk. We need to care for those people Mhmm. Greatly. So Anyway, there's our detour.

It reminds me people listening to this may wonder how will I know? We'll just kind of start closing out for today and maybe continue next time on this, but how many people I have heard, you've heard, we've heard together say one of the first statements you hear is, you know what? This is not what I thought it would be. Whether it's being a pastor, being a physician, a dentist, or whatever it is. And so, maybe next time we talk about, okay, it starts maybe with that statement. It manifests itself in all we've talked about today, and, maybe next time we start talking about what do you do if you're under a calling, what do you do to move back into it if you find yourself burning up or burning out? I mean, burning out. So That's good. That's good. Where where is the help? Yes. And and and how do how do I find it that to make sure that it's as good as what I would deliver myself as a physician or a pastor? You bet. So good subject next time. Hey, thanks everybody for listening, and, look forward to seeing you next time. Hey. Thanks, Phil.