The Ultimate Powerlessness

Transcript of a Sage Hill Live Fully Podcast conversation with Dr. Chip Dodd. Lightly edited for readability; speaker labels omitted.

You're listening to the Sage Show podcast on addiction with Dr. Chip Dodd and Phil Herndon. This is a new weekly podcast recorded at the Center for Professional Excellence. Hey, everybody. Welcome back in to the Sage Hill podcast. This is Phil Herndon along with Chip Dodd. Hello, Chip. Good morning, Phil. Back in our studio today. Yes, we are in our, 12 by 10. Yeah. Beautiful place, actually. It's well decorated, but it's still an office. It is. This is presented as a studio. It is. It's an eclectic eclectic wall office. Yeah. And the spring is here except for the fact that it's about 30 degrees outside. Yeah. It's really cold. Yeah. Beautiful. Again. Beautiful. So we're going to, we've been doing this whole series on addiction, obviously, a very big subject. We honed in on the steps, as well. And the very first one, probably most listeners to this know the, probably know all 12, but certainly know the first step about powerlessness. We admitted we were powerless. And so we we've already titled this podcast called the ultimate powerlessness. And, I've heard you talk many times about the the Apgar, you know, the the test administered to newborns. So I want you to

the Apgar, ultimate powerlessness, and take it away. Yeah. You know, that I'm I'm glad that we're talking about this because we so often associate powerlessness as a, magnificent defeat when actually the truth is we were birthed to be able to live within the context of powerlessness and then grow out of that, not to become independent from how we're made, but to be able to integrate how we're made into living as empowered creatures, people who can create and make, cooperate, become grown ups in a world that is, often very difficult and challenging and, well, we use the word tragic. And, you and I continue to this day. We talk about the this basic reality that, life is tragic, which means that it often turns out differently than we in our hearts are created to imagine. And at the same time, in recovery, the tragedy, we end up rediscovering that God is faithful. In other words, God can be trusted amidst the struggle and difficulty. In fact, a struggle and difficulty is something that can can pull us or push us, however you wanna put it, towards, relational, wholeness. In other words, getting into relationship with others who know more than we do or others who need our help because of what we know and the God who we would say knows all. Going back to how we're born, you mentioned the Apgar, which is a p g a r. And it is a, the medical professionals call it really a a a biological assessment for viability of the creature that was just born. But the truth is that what doctors are really checking on is is is the capacity for this human being to connect. Do they have the emotional and spiritual essential makeup to to do what they're made to do, which is to reach and find fulfillment, in relationship with with them with themselves, responding to how they're created with others in the in the beginning, of course, the reaching for the mother, and then, the the bigger life living as they were created, which we can call right now, facing god, so to speak, or facing the universe if you have a problem with that or facing just simply a biological reality that human beings are created dependent upon each other. So the Apgar, three there there are several things that that that are checklist in the Apgar, but three primary, I use the word foci, but primary focuses for for the rest of us. Do you know what I'm saying? You know, that, don't have the Latin background or or didn't go to Harvard, but foci, f o c I. But, the there are three things that that when the when the the this human being in utero is already doing this, by the way, and doing it very naturally. And I won't get off on this, but there's a whole lot of new, evidence suggesting that life is life. Mhmm. And it from cellular connectivity, at that point, there's some kind of consciousness going on even though it's not cognitive. You know? So, anyway, another topic, another time. But to Apgar, what they do, they're the the the medical professionals, midwives, and so on are are looking for, one, will the child, infant cry out? Will they speak without cognitive ability and without a voice to articulate words? Will they communicate in the cry out their emotional and spiritual craving? Will the child speak fear? Will the child speak need? Will the child even speak on some level? I'm not made to be alone out here in the air. I'm made to be cuddled up in the arms of who brought me here. So will the child cry out, feel feelings? Will the child reach out based upon the feelings that that bring the infant and all of us to need? Will the child reach out for the need? And you you can see multiple times, the it's called reflex response, but the child will say you know, fingers will may touch an object that isn't human. And then it's like almost like the child says, no. That's not it. And then may touch some instrument there, and, no. That's not it, or paper or something. And then all of a sudden, the finger or the hand is there and the child reaches for that and grasps because this is what I'm made to be like and this is what I'm made to be connected to, which is relationship and all the needs that get met through relate relationship. That craving for relationship is so powerful that when when the the child is born, that the the the birth mother is flooded with, a a chemical called oxytocin, which is a bonding chemical which makes the mother, hunger and reach back at the same time that the child is doing the same thing. So cry out and then reach out. And in that reaching out, when the mother child find each other, that skin to voice to touch connection, that there is a whole series of physiological, equilibriums that start to be created. That's almost like the child gets turned on, that the the physiology begins to sort of make itself, speak. So the the the tone of the skin, the the blood flow, the lungs breathing, the heart rate, that the disposition of of comfort begins to occur. In other words, they found how they're made, and it starts to grow them into who they're made to be, almost immediately. And then the third thing is, will the child take in? Will the child receive? Will will the child express hunger? And that is will the child want what he or she wants when they want it? And that's called craving, for life. I'm made to eat. I'm made to bring in to myself to to to be fed and and feed so that I can, begin to, experience being able to give out of what the nutritional power that I have. I can start begin to move and create and make and shape and search and be curious and explore. So these three things are amazing. Cry out, feel. Reach out, need. And then, take in, which is to face that that that through crying out and needing, I reach to bring in and fuel myself, and that's where we get the you cannot give what you do not have. You can't give out of emptiness. You can only give out of having something to offer. So these are like little infant baby versions of a picture that grows into, a grown up Mhmm. And translates into, a whole lot more. And then my point is this, that this is how we're made, and this is how we're born. And that doesn't change. And so much about the self cures that we have in our living experiences are self cures, slash addictions slash obsessive compulsions slash cognitive, attempts to escape how we're made, that our self cures are often attempts to get away from the powerlessness over how we're created. Instead of working with how we're made, we end up suppressing, hiding, defending against, running from, this inborn capacity for for vulnerability. Mhmm. We were born with this amazing, tolerance for vulnerability. Cry out, reach out, take in, admission of of wanting what we want when we want it. Growing up is so much about being able to tolerate that vulnerability. In fact, I define addiction in its simplest form as an intolerance for vulnerability. And that's the vulnerability we're talking about is that we are made to be connected with ourselves, responsive, others, hoping to respond to us, and the God that kinda, frankly, put owns life. You know? Mhmm. And we're never gonna be bigger than that. No one's bigger than life. But we're made to respond to how big life is. So, anyway, the self cures so often are about rejecting that inborn power, which is the power to be capable of connecting. And we know that addiction is an attempt to find connections separate from having to be vulnerable to relationship. Bill Wilson talks about in the twelve and twelve, referring to step four. He says that our real problem, of which alcoholism is a symptom is our inability, really, lack of vulnerability to be able to form a true partnership with another human being. In other words, we're incapable or we rather we reject the powerlessness over how we're created and never learn how to go about, living that well. So, anyway, the the Apgar never leaves us, and life is about hanging on to that, facing that, feeling that, and and and behaving properly out of that. So life is more about not learning who we are, but learning how to tolerate, the vulnerabilities of tragedy and still remain vulnerable to be in a relationship. So so much of life is about learning how to remain hopeful while also hearing the words no, not yet, wait, or even the struggle of trusting yes. Mhmm. You know? I mean, I know it's oversimplified. But from birth on, we we gain cognitive capacities. We gain environmental experience. We gain, you know, moving about, upon the earth and and touching life, and life touches us back. So cognitive abilities, figuring out about life are really just outgrowths of this powerlessness. So, really, our cognitions are created in us to be able to do two things. One is to figure or count, but, really, the other one is to maintain the capacity to be able to use our thinking to express our inner worlds, to express our feelings, our needs, and to be able to take in the proper nutrition that allow that empowers us to be fully creative creatures. Now what's amazing is that when we become, contemptuous towards how we're made or contemptuous towards vulnerability, we also begin to despise powerlessness and don't see the benefit of it. So we end up attempting to take over for how we're created, and we try to connect with that which might satisfy but won't fulfill. For example, literally, you know, a beer bottle, a beer is a relationship. A beer is a thing that is a person that connects us to ourselves, others, and God in a counterfeit way. And it cures us temporarily of the vulnerability required to find the fulfillment we're created to have. Mhmm. But, man, look. Life hurts. And if we're not good at hurting, we're not gonna be good at living. Life is sad. And if we're not good at at at at at sadness, we're not gonna be good at attachment, which is about connection and then acceptance related to grief. If we're not good at grief, we're not necessarily gonna be able to connect to others because we're so busy, trying to get away from having to feel the pain of love and relationship. And on it goes, with the feelings. Most people who hear this podcast are familiar with voice of the heart. And so the ultimate powerlessness is actually the beginning of how we become empowered to live. And my hope is that as we grow in recovery, that that initial defeat of the first step, which really says in Alcoholics Anonymous, we admitted that we were powerless over alcohol. Mhmm. And and really the rest of those steps are there to bring us to the bigger admission that I'm powerless over how I was born. Mhmm. And how I was born is not a mistake. It's actually we were born with the tools that were made to have expertise through cognition, behavior, and experience to be able to use to, build a life that's, well, worth living, that's, fully alive, where we can love deeply and then end up, you know, leaving something behind for others to keep worth keeping. Even Freud, going going way back, said that a successful human being is a is a human being who's capable of love and capable of work. In other words, they're capable of extending themselves into others' lives and capable of structuring a life out of which they can create and feed themselves. So the ultimate powerlessness is not our enemy. The ultimate powerlessness is a gateway to, frankly put multiplying ourselves and adding, to life. Mhmm. So this ab car is, not something that, we are made to dispel or get rid of or hate. So we have to be, born again. Yeah. In other words, we have to return to where we came from. And as as we close this podcast, Phil, Matthew eighteen two and three, the disciples had come to Jesus and said, who's the greatest, among us? And they were looking in terms of power and, control and, status. And he had a child stand among them, and he said unless you change and become like one of these, you can't enter the kingdom of heaven, meaning also you can't you don't get what life's about and how to live it connected. And we can't change ourselves. We have to surrender to being changed. And I think in some ways, based upon all the neuroscience that we know of today more than ever before, really, it's about returning to facing how we're created. Change is returning to facing how we're created. In other words, get back to where you came from and face that this is how you're made. Now start dealing. And if we admit powerlessness over that, if we surrender to the realities that come with that, and if we give ourselves over, you know, acceptance, third step, then we end up becoming, who we're made to be. It doesn't allow us to escape the struggle of life, but allows us to struggle, frankly, beautifully because a cry out is the capacity to speak your feelings. The reach out is to face your need and cannot do this life alone. And then the taking in is accepting that you're made to want what you want when you want it. We're made to crave, but we're not made for lust. Mhmm. We're made to crave, and craving's gonna put us in a position of having to tolerate no, not yet, wait, and also trust yes. Mhmm. So that's kind of it, really, and in a short version, but, we're made like this, and and and I'm not against it. Yeah. But most of the time, I don't necessarily like it. For sure. Yeah. So we need to grow in being vulnerable.

We need to grow in becoming even more vulnerable. Right on. Yeah. You know, such a simple thing that seems so biological, it's so emotionally, relationally driven. Yeah. It's been kind of an amazing deal. You know, after food, water, shelter, and clothing, honestly, Phil, all the rest of the needs of human beings are and spiritually connected. Yeah, right on. We are, try as I have and many others have listening to this, try as you have, it is impossible to get away from these three basic things. Get around them through addiction. Seem to get over them through addiction. But we don't. We don't. Walking into something that we're born with that never leaves till we leave the earth. So renewal and replenishment begins with what we run from.

Well, thanks for doing this, Phil. Yep, enjoyed it. Hey, thanks for joining us. We will see you next time. Look forward to it.