Back to School

Transcript of a Sage Hill Live Fully Podcast conversation with Dr. Chip Dodd. Lightly edited for readability; speaker labels omitted.

This podcast is brought to you by Sage Hill, a social impact organization. Our mission is to help people be who they're made to be so that they can do what they're made to do. Find more resources to live fully, love deeply, and lead well at sagehillresources.com. Hey, everybody. This is Stephen James. Thanks for listening to the Live Fully podcast. Stay Chill is really committed to helping people be who they're made to be so they can do what they're made to do. The conversation I'm having today with Becky Peterson, who's a long time friend. I've known Becky since two thousand and five, six. So we go back almost twenty years. Her husband, Andy, and I are really close friends. Becky is the woman that I really respect and admire on a number of fronts. She's one of the smartest people I know. She's one of the, most empathetic and compassionate and inclusive thinking people I know. She's taught me so much over the last few years about what it means to hold love and, compassion and, curiosity with other people. So I'm really glad to have her on even briefly. Today, she and I are talking about back to school and how do we care for ourselves as parents, how do we care for our kids, how do how do we care for educators, how educators can care for themselves. Like, it's a it's it's a pretty good conversation. I learned a lot today. Becky is a natural teacher, and it really helped me think through what it means to to care for children and parents and educators. So I hope you I hope you enjoy it. And if you need help, if you need guidance, if you need support, Sage Hill's here to help.

Hey, Becky. Hey, Stephen. Welcome to the Sage Hill podcast. Thanks. I'm happy to be here. Yeah. The reason I wanted to have you on is I wanted to do a back to school podcast. And when I was thinking about back to school, I was thinking about who would be, like, the best person to have on, and it was you. It wasn't even a list. It was like Becky Peterson. And because I wanted that because, one, you're a mom. Mhmm. And back to school is, like, an awful time for lots of people. And your kids are, like, a senior in high school That's correct. All the way down to, like, third grade? First grade. First grade. Yeah. Okay. I'm tired. You're tired. And you so senior Fourth grader. Fourth grader, first grader. Yeah. Two boys and a girl. That's right. K. That's a lot. That's a lot. Okay. You're also a teacher. Mhmm. You've and you've taught in public schools and private schools, and now you teach at the university level. That's right. And you teach teachers how to teach, which is so meta on so many levels. It is meta. Uh-huh. We call that a teacher educator. Oh, it's and it actually has a name for it. Teacher educator. Okay. So teacher educator. Mom, teacher educator, teacher, which is, I guess, is implied to teacher, educator, and, like, wise person, wise woman. Like, no one got to hear our debate beforehand. We did see this great debate on social issues, and you educated me some more, which is good. So you're good at, like, knowing what's going on in the world. You're good at being yourself. You're are you a good teacher?

I have good days and bad days. Okay. I think, generally, the good days win over the bad days. So what I wanna do is have a conversation for parents around going back to school, around maybe even for teachers about going back to school. Mhmm. Because that I imagine that's hard. Yeah. Yeah. And let's see where it goes. Like, I don't that's it. That's my whole agenda. That's great. Okay. What where do we start that conversation? That's a big conversation. So I would say, for most folks in the South right now, we are either back to school or will be back to school this week Yeah. Which is early for a lot of The United States. So I've got two back to school, and I have one more that goes back on Wednesday. Okay. So it's been a staggered start.

And then I start back That sounds harder, actually. Next Wednesday. Yes. Start back oh, because yeah. Because you're on a school calendar. That's right. So it's been truly by the time I get back to teaching, it will be three weeks of some sort of a phase in for all of us to be back to school. And then there's, like, the crankiness that comes when Yes. Things have gotten back to school. Yes. In the routine. Right? Is that good? I think the routine would be good. I think routine is good. I also think the way that we've structured school in general imposes a really rigid routine. The factory. Yeah. Yeah. Imposes a rigid routine on kids, on teachers, and on families, to be really honest. Yeah. When we're thinking about what time my twelfth grader goes to school is 07:05. I mean, he's on the bus by 07:05. Twelfth grader. Wow. My first grader is out at the bus at 08:15. I love that you know this. And then my middle kid gets a ride to school. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. So it's a lot. Yeah. So is it And what time do you like, when your day starts, what time does your day start? Like, not what time do you wake up, like, when your your workday? My workday is varied. It's really inconsistent in the start time. But, generally, I'm on campus by about 08:30 or nine ready to go, and each day looks a little bit different in terms of the courses I'm teaching. Okay. Yeah. So over the last seventeen years of being a back to school mom Yes. Who's also a back to school teacher Yeah. What, like, what advice, insights, awarenesses, repentance, grief, celebration do you wanna offer people? That's a great question, Stephen. I actually was thinking about that a little bit today as I was packing lunches again, and thinking about the schedule that's about really to start for next week. And one of the things that I have thought about as my kids who are in school who have come home in the afternoons, and particularly my youngest, is it's a big adjustment to go from summer routine Oh, yeah. To full day everyday school. Oh. And last week, I was reminded again just with this begin again season. Right? We've done this before, and you kinda forget that that first week is so hard and so many emotions. And I know my little Lucy keeps it together all day at school. Yeah. Which means you get Which means you get all the broken pieces. I get the broken pieces at home. Yeah. And I was reminded that one of the most important things, I think, for us as parents and caregivers is to hold space for our kids so that they can fall apart at home. Mhmm. And that it's not a reflection on who they are as little people, but that it is a space for them to work some things out because they have kept it all Yeah. Together for their teachers and for their friends and for the transitions and the bus drivers and the playground and all of that. They have to have a space to be able to fall apart.

And I think the older our kids get, the the more we can trust that what we hear about them is probably accurate about who they are, and what we see at home is, those leftover pieces. Right. Yeah. That have to be incorporated. So if I've had a hard day, though, like, who's gonna put my pieces together? Yeah. No. You know, that's funny because I also was thinking about, like, maybe another version of this podcast is having the spouses and partners of educators in the first few weeks back to school. Okay. So now let's okay. Let's talk about ways to take care of your kids, hold space. Yep. And if you are a friend, spouse, partner, encourager, parent, sibling of someone who's an educator Right. Okay. Yeah. Alright. Because these first weeks are really,

I think, like, throwing a party or special event every day when you're welcoming in, in my case, because my focus is on secondary education, welcoming in upwards of a 130 students into your classroom in the course of a day. Right? So think about that. Most of your kids judgmental little beeps. Oh, I love high school kids. They're the best. Good for you. I love them. We need people like you in the world. I love them. So you think about that and think about in the course of a day, an educator makes roughly 1,500 decisions. How am I gonna pass out the papers? How am I gonna collect homework? Can this kid go to the bathroom? Can I go to the bathroom? Can I go to the bathroom? Yeah. Exactly. See, I haven't even taken myself into account in my last teachers go to the bathroom? They don't. They don't. And so you can imagine coming home with your own kids and your own family and the question of what are we gonna have here sooner, mom Yeah. Is, like, the worst thing that somebody could ask me. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. So taking those smaller decisions, which are actually large decisions when you're thinking about feeding people, off of the educator's plate for this week and next week, that's really kind.

Getting them a coffee. That's really kind. Okay. So what can we as we'll go back to the kids in a minute. This is fascinating. What can we as, people who are trying to support teachers do to support teachers? Check-in on them. Check-in. Yep. K. Like, how are you doing? Yep. How's the week going? Bring them coffee. Here's some coffee. Here's some more coffee. Here's some more coffee. Could we do meal train for you this week? Yeah. Are there any errands we can run? Gotta pick your kid up? Yep. All of those things that come into play on a daily basis. And think about it too. I mean, most of the majority of the teacher workforce is female. Right? Yeah. And so we have all of those caregiving things that happen in the classroom with our students. And oftentimes, in addition, all of the caregiving things that happen at home Oh, yeah. With our own families. Yeah. So it's double.

Alright. So let's take care of teachers a little bit better. Yes. Okay. 100%. Yes. What can teachers do? So if if some of us hear this, we're like, okay. I'm gonna do that. What can teachers do if a teacher's listening to take care of themselves better in the first couple of weeks? It's a hard thing to take care of yourself in the first couple weeks. Okay. I will just say that. I think that figuring out at the beginning of the school year what some of those work life, personal life boundaries are and implementing them as much as possible. So I've seen a real shift in my twenty years of teaching of what it looks like to take home papers to grade. And that in the past five to seven years, this younger generation of new teachers are saying, you know what? I have put in eight hours today. I will take home papers on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and maybe over the weekend, but not every night. And so putting in boundaries, establishing them early on of saying to your students for the things that you need feedback on, this is the time frame that we're working with. Yeah. If you need me to respond to email in your signature for your emails that you're putting, I'll respond within twenty four to forty eight hours, or I don't look at email after 8PM until 8AM. I think 8PM is late. It's late. That's right. It is. I think after a normal day. Mhmm. Yeah.

Might not have a job, though, if you do if you do that. You know, I don't know. I think that that's also something there is a high need for educators right now. After two years of a pandemic Yeah. That has taken irreparable Yeah. Tolls on people that there are a number of educators who've just said, you know what? This is too much. I'm not in a system that supports me. I don't get compensated as I should, and I'm actually quite worth more than this. Right? Waiting tables. They're probably making more money waiting tables. More freedom. No email. More freedom. No email. No No parents to deal with. I mean, I love the parents too. Good for you. Okay. So teachers can so those of us who are around teachers, we can support, encourage, check-in. Yeah. Get them a meal, buy them a lot of coffee, pat them on the back, like, because this is a hard transition. Yeah. If you're a teacher, understanding of what boundaries you need to put in place for you that might not be like everybody else's might be yours, which means you have to have some self awareness Yeah. In doing that and and practicing those things, which maybe you don't get to do the first two weeks. But but Yeah. Yeah. Fall break's coming. It's not too far off. It's not. Goodness. The it fall breaks a whole thing. We didn't grow up with fall break. No. Who no. And it's a whole week. It's a whole it's wow. And then you get Thanksgiving. And then you have Thanksgiving. Wow. So so done. We'll get through people. It's okay. Uh-huh. Okay. So and so so there's this dual thing of caring for people and people caring for themselves better. Mhmm. And knowing it's a season. Like, this is a back to school is a season. Yeah. Offer yourself and other people grace in the middle of it because everybody's transitioning and humans struggle with transition. Yeah. Okay. What so now let's talk about the kids. The little the little people who actually were responsible for helping transition. And they're going to school, they're going to the factory, and they're they're doing their factory work. Thank you, industrial revolution. And,

Becky didn't say that. I said no. That's Stephen. We're trying to push against the factory. I'm I'm all about not being against the factory. That for sure. Maybe we'll outgrow the factory model and raise human like, educate human beings. Yeah. And so the the students go to the factory, they put in a good day's work at the factory, and then they come home tired. Yeah. That idea has actually really helped me. That, like, knowing that majority of the school system, the way that America works now, it is based on industrial revolution factory model of childcare. We haven't changed much in, like, a hundred something years. And so these kids are going to the factory. They're learning, and they come home tired from the salt mines. And

That's one way to look at it. Also, we can think about public education in terms of developing a democratic society. Oh, that's good too. So let's think about that. Yeah. I like that. Both and. I like it's it's both and. I like that. Yeah. We need I'm all for public education. I'm actually way into public education. I wish it was different for the kids. Yes. You know? And for the teachers and the teachers. And for the administrators. For the And it's all yes. That's a more human model. That's right. But that would push on some other areas of society if we did that. So That's right. That's a whole other podcast. Whole other podcast. That's right. Season two. Season two. Okay. So how do so given the kids space when they come home Mhmm. Everybody's tired. Mom, dad, kids, like, everybody's tired Yeah. During this transition. And then we're also, like, got ex after school activities that somehow feel compulsory. I don't know why. Don't they? Yeah. You know, so what do we do? Like, how do we help the kids? Mhmm. I think that's a great question.

And I don't know that I have figured that out. What do you do with your kids? Other than well, a few things. One, I think outdoor time is really important. Okay. I think they need to be outdoors on we've got a trampoline. We've got a swing Yeah. Running around on their bikes for a set amount of time. Yeah. Particularly the kids who have been asked to sit inside most of the day in their desks. The prison cell. Yeah. With maybe okay. It's true. I mean, we could talk about that too. Opinions are held only by me. With little sunlight, maybe one recess. Yes. Probably not two. Yeah. Being asked to keep their voices down. Like, if they smoke, they'd at least get fifteen minute smoke breaks every hour. That was when we were going to school.

That's not yeah. It's like, wow. Okay. Uh-huh. So I think outdoor time is really important. I think downtime is really important. And so I know there's lots of debate about screens and whatnot. My kids get a little bit of screen time after school so that they can just Turn their brain off and be quiet, decompress a little bit. And the thing that I found actually last week, and this is just luck. I mean, it's not that it was intentional at all. My fourth grader has been wanting a diary. And so, developmentally, I think that's really appropriate is that he's wanting to start writing some things that he keeps to himself. So because he's not back to school yet, we went and got a diary for him, and I also bought one for my youngest That's awesome. First grader. And so what that looked like was we had had dinner, and it was that in between dinner, bath, bedtime. Yeah. We had dinner. Called homework time. Yeah. Or homework or homework. First and fourth grade. I mean, still not totally formalized yet. But they both went to their own separate spaces in our house, and Lucy in particular had had a massive meltdown. And so I said, Lucy, why don't you take your diary? You can go sit in your bedroom. And cracked her door, turned on some music, brought the lights down a little bit. Oh, gosh. So started writing. My fourth grader started writing, and they wrote for twenty minutes. That's amazing. Lucy came out of her room and said, mommy, I feel so refreshed. I'd like to do this every day.

I know. I love that she used the word refreshed. I mean, she she used the word refreshed. So that was just luck, but it's something that they have kept up with the past several days, and I hope that they continue to do that and see that as a place to work out even if it's writing. I went to school. I went to library. I went to lunch. Like, they're processing their day in their own way. Wow. And a phone call. Here we go. That's awesome. That's luck. So maybe try that at home. Try luck. Well, I think that's the like, you were open to, like, being attuned. Mhmm. And you you struck upon something that worked for the day. I hope it works for several weeks. I hope so too. I really do. But it's it sounds so, like, perfect. Your kids are journaling in the afternoon. I know. I know that's

are you checking with me, you know, in September? We'll see. Again, we're talking about how do you get through the transition. Right. Like, what are the I love it being outside. Like, that's a important piece. And, like, I remember we used to pick our kids up from school, and there was always, like, playground time. Yeah. Like, before you get in the car and go home, it's like, we're gonna play on the playground for a few minutes. And, you know, that was a a a helpful or we'd or we'd walk we'd park away from the school and then walk to the car. Mhmm. And, that was nice. We were fortunate enough to pick our kids up. Right? I think Right. I think it's, I was talking to somebody the other day and guy I work with, and he was like, you know, like, aftercare. We gotta pay this for aftercare. We gotta do this. So it's like they're taking their kids to beforecare. Mhmm. They're then they've got school. Right. And then they've got aftercare, and they're getting their kids, like, at five, 05:30. And these are little kids, and they're worn out. Like, everybody's worn out. Mhmm. You know? It sounds awful.

It's not something I love. I mean, it isn't. And then, you know, you mentioned the after school schedule of the sports and things. And so even with three kids, if one of that if they each have one activity a week, that's three extra things and most likely four or five if we're in sports. Right? You'll have a practice and a game. If you want your child to be well rounded, you've got this on this day, this on this day, and then you got three kids. Right. Yeah. So pretty soon, almost every night of the week is filled up with something. And that's really hard. And your kids are really fortunate. Right. So, like, wow. Yeah. And then you're going to bed, like, at nine Mhmm. And they're little. I like to go to bed at nine. That's what time I prefer to go to bed. I would love to go to bed at nine. I have a partner who likes to stay up until eleven.

Yeah. Me too. Okay. So I don't know. There's I don't think there's a magic answer. Hard? It's hard. Yes. I think there's something in that of going like, hey. This is a two to three week period that's hard. Right. It doesn't define your whole family, it doesn't define your whole experience. We yeah. And it's exciting at the same time. Like, back to school is ex like, the back to school shopping. I'm so sad for these kids. They don't have to, like, go get all the supplies like they used to. Like like They don't? No. Because we would, like I'm you know, my kids are older. We get it well, we would, like, all chip in and it all, like, show up at the school. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. So it's like the teachers would have this list. Yeah. And then you, like, put money And you put money in. And then there's all the stuff. Oh, interesting. Yeah. I think some smart mom in our school figured that out. Yeah. That is smart. And so you would preorder it, and it would all show up there. Yeah. And so the teacher got all their supplies Mhmm. Listed. Right. Right? And the but what we missed out on was, like, going and, like, picking out the notebook and The trapper keeper? Trapper keeper.

I never got the there's somebody always with a better trapper keeper. For sure there was. I'm sure that I had the knockoff brand of the Trapper Keeper. I'm pretty sure that was it. I know I did. Uh-huh. I used to love the cafeteria lunches. I I liked I liked Fridays. I think Fridays were Burger day, pizza day. No. It was pancake day. Cake? I know. We got pancakes at school. Oh, wow. That's good. Then I grew up in the Midwest, and then Fridays during the season of Lent were always fish on Fridays. Yeah. Yeah. Which still happens. Yeah. As it should. Yeah. Okay. Well, Becky, I, thank you. You're welcome. That's good. I hope I hope somebody felt encouraged. I hope somebody feels encouraged. Uh-huh. Here's what I will say just kind of in closing

is education today is really challenging. And the folks that are in classrooms working with your kids love kids and truly do want what's best for them. And there are lots of parameters around them them that make this just complicated. And I do think that as parents and caregivers and families and as educators, when we can figure out ways to collaborate together, that it really does make this season of back to school and beginning again more enjoyable for everybody. That's well said. Thank you, Becky. You're welcome, Stephen. Thanks for listening to the Sage Hill podcast. Again, this is Stephen James. Is there anything we can do to help? Is there any way that you need support or encourage, reach out, and we will if we can't help you, we'll try to point you in the right direction.

This podcast is brought to you by Sage Hill, a social impact organization. Our mission is to help people be who they're made to be so that they can do what they're made to do. Find more resources to live fully, love deeply, and lead well at sagehillresources.com.