Heart of Relationships: Need for Touch

Transcript of a Sage Hill Live Fully Podcast conversation with Dr. Chip Dodd. Lightly edited for readability; speaker labels omitted.

This podcast is brought to you by Sage Hill, a social impact organization. Our mission is to help people be who they're made to be so that they can do what they're made to do. Find more resources to live fully, love deeply, and lead well at sagehillresources.com. The need for touch is a language. K? Touch is a powerful language, and it literally feeds a human being. It's it's touch are the words of life that feed the heart. There's a thing called failure to thrive syndrome. Romanian orphanages back in the with, I can't remember the leader that there's just disastrous children abandoned like crazy. All these children were in the orphanages, and it was just a repeat of proving what we already knew, but the children were taken care of. They were custodially cared for. Now Now this is gonna be important. I want you all this is amazing. Custodially cared for. They were fed. They were watered. And they let the sun hit them. Okay? Diapers were changed. They were fed. Put back in the crib. Boom. Go boom. Go boom. Too many to do any otherwise. So they were cared about. They're provided for provided for quite well, actually. Okay? And they didn't grow. The children wouldn't grow. It's called failure to thrive syndrome. They did not grow. They could be five and six and look like they're two. Now many of us in this room would say, I got all my needs met growing up because my parents provided for me. Making sure that you were custodially cared for. Well, you get the same thing in prison. Three meals, clothes, a roof, a bed, and somebody's structure. I'm being ridiculous, but this idea that how grateful I am because I was provided for is not gratitude because cows do that. So do possums. Those possums I was talking about, they care for their young. They provide for them. But they cannot nor do they give what we can give to each other. That is God created. What's amazing is that we're all hungry to literally be touched in proper ways. And touch has a language. And if you're not allowed to say that's good and that's not good, then the touch won't feed you the way it's made to. Like, I'm not gonna go back to Frank. But if I walk up to Frank and I say, hey, Frank. Thanks for doing that. Thank you. And do his shoulder right here. Somewhere inside of him, he'd go, you're welcome, Chip. Thank you. And I'm not just touching his shoulder. I'm also affirming his need for touch. The need to be cared about. The need to be secure. The need to be affirmed. The need to belong. The need to matter. The need to be appreciated. The need to be recognized. Right? But if I take my hand and I take my hand and goes, hey, Frank. Thank you. And I go like this. So if it's what do you Frank might freeze. Like, okay. Now, buddy. But guys, what did I do? What happened? I'm just touching Frank. Too long? Well, what if I did it like this? Same length of time. There's something else. Too long. Too what? What's creepy? Intimate? Too intimate. You as you mean, like, sexual. You know, like, oh, hell. Yes. It's sexual. You went. So what I'm saying is y'all knew. And I'm telling you that when Frank was four, he did too. We're endowed with a language of recognition. It's amazing. But if you're in a scary situation and you're not allowed to use your heart to acknowledge the touch, you have to silence your heart. And your needs appear to be met, but they're not. But your need for touch is so powerful that we need to be touched. It's like, wow. And then we'll blame ourselves for getting touched. And a lot of times that touch is wrong, harm against us. It's amazing how sexual abuse victims will blame themselves for being sexually abused. Heart, encouraged. Hey, man, you did so good. It like, you really think I did good? You did great. Like, you really think I did great? You did great. Man, thanks. You think I did? Yeah. You did great. That's being touched. I'm asking to be touched. Touch me here. Touch me there. Touch me. If touch doesn't touch the heart, then it's abuse.