Transience and Ambition

Transcript of a Sage Hill Live Fully Podcast conversation with Dr. Chip Dodd. Lightly edited for readability; speaker labels omitted.

You're listening to the Sage Hill podcast with Dr. Chip Dodd. Sage Hill is a social impact organization that helps people see who they're made to be so they can do what they're made to do. Hey, Chip. Hey, Stephen. How you doing tonight? Hey. I'm doing great. It's good. It's good to see you. Temperature's turning. Getting a little cold outside. Yeah? Yeah. I just noticed that. I don't have any observations. Nothing wise to say. Oh, what? You a weatherman? Well, I just like you know, I like wearing fall clothes. I I like putting on a jacket or a vest and a pair of boots. And do you remember that, you you did a we did a podcast not too long ago on, you were the farm boy. You were the farm boy. Yeah. There was a suburban night from Brooklyn. This guy said that it's, We drove past farm boy. Somebody said, it's a good day in it. I said, what are you, weather man? Yeah. Oh, whatever.

Oh, man. What do you wanna talk about today? Let's talk about, transience and ambition. What in the world does that mean? Well, transience, means that really something that doesn't last a long time. It's transient. Like, we think of life is really in terms of it's it's really short but feels long. Yeah. And on the greatest of days, we wish we could stay here forever, and on the worst of days, we wish we could get out of here. But, life is, when it's really good, it's not long enough. Transient. Do you know? Yeah. Do you know I was, recently, you know, when when when we're younger, and older and just we we think we think Older. Older. Yeah. Or in between. Or in between. Or young or really young. Wow. Kind of a child. Ponder the essence of the universe. Yeah. Yeah. Or or not here anymore. But, but when when we're, you know, we we, we're ambitioned. We we we've got this thing we're gonna we gotta do. And I have known, especially in my work, and in my life, both, which is intertwined, of course, but, the idea that what people sacrifice for the sake of ambition, which is often for the sake of one's ego, children, marriages, families, friendships, relationships that mattered, promises, loyalties, fidelity, all the words that we say matter. Sanity. Sacrifice sanity for ambition. I was, craziest thing. I was I was at the, sign in. I was at the beach just recently in in Ponte Vedra where, actually, a hurricane had just gone through. But, anyway, it was off season, and, beach was clear. And I say that because of what I'm about to say, I was running sprints out on the beach one morning. You love saying that, don't you? Yeah. But I'm saying I wanna make sure no one was watching Oh, yeah. And I could call them sprints because no one can say otherwise. Right? Okay. But I was, I was running sprints and I started feeling like really my body just felt alive. I was, you know, pushing off the sand and running it out. Were you in the soft sand or the hard sand? It was mixed. Okay. Yeah. It was kind of a mix. It's harder to run-in the soft sand. It's harder, but it was like especially when you can't quite predict when it's coming, just having to push. Yeah. Running. Yeah. I was getting to run barefoot and stuff, and so but I was I was running, and I I I was getting faster and faster. I mean, I was just, like, flying. You know, I could tell it, right? And then I didn't have a stopwatch, and there's, of course, not an audience. But then, you know, as soon as I think I ran probably the fastest sprint of my whole life, you know, I noticed when I was walking back to do the next one, maybe maybe one faster, I'll stop right there. The waves had already taken my footprints away. You know, it's like they're they're it was gone. And, it was funny. I went and and and, told Sonya, hey, you know, I think I ran, you know, she said something like, good. Okay, honey. Yeah. And then when I I kinda walked away, you know, as yeah. I think I heard her something mumble something about men. I don't know. But, you know, you know, I was kidding about that. But but, but really and truly, what what I thought about later in the day, we were just talking about, memories because we we enjoy going to the beach and just having memories of Yeah. Our children and their grown and going to the beach and going on trips and, you know, baseball things. And and we started laughing. I was she was telling the story about I was running down the beach trying to fly a kite. I had forgotten or didn't know that at least at the beach, you don't have to run to get a kite in the air. You just kinda hold it up and then And the wind takes it. The wind takes it. So I'm running down the beach trying to get a kite into the air. I I think I may have been like a 100 yards away from her, and I I tripped and fell flat. I'm dragging the kite behind me. I fell flat on my face, and I I look up. I've got sand all in my face and my mouth. I turn back and look back at her. She's, like I say, a 100 yards away. She's up in the air. She bends over with her hands on her knees and her mouth wide open. I couldn't hear her, but I knew exactly what it sounded like. Do you know? And, we were just laughing about all of that, and it was it was it was really great to reminisce and it was great to know that I'm very thankful that ambition, did not make, my relationships transient. Yeah. Do not carry within me and our sons too, I hope even more, or with all of us, you know, the memories of having lived together instead

of maybe having my name on something or Yeah. It's it's a it sounds a little poetic for me to say this, but, you know, all our efforts, like, washed away with the tide Yeah. But our presence won't ever be forgotten. Right? Like, if we're really showing this, you know? Yeah. Mem memory can't be taken from us until it's taken from us. Yeah. But, things of ambition, if we're doing it so that somebody can say I see you, you know, we we we write about it a lot, talk about it a lot. In fact, keeping hearts coming out, in print, what, in a month maybe? Sometime in November. Early November. But the difference between, a person who is living their lives, they, they be who they are and they do what they're made to do and they wind up having what they're made to have. I mean, really and truly. Mhmm. And people who try to do things so they can have things, so they can become somebody or be somebody, it's just it's just they're they're missing the memories. They're not going to have memories. And I I have experience with not having memories of relationships Yeah. Because of, people with great ambition.

Do you know? Yeah. Yeah. I do know. So oftentimes, the bigger we try to make our ego life, right, the the smaller our internal life has to become Yeah. In order to So the bigger one The energy's gotta go somewhere. Right? Like, I can either grow my inner life, grow my relationships, grow my heart, be with people in the daily living Yes. Or I can try to grow my ego life, which is my names on buildings, you know, big houses. And there's nothing wrong with big houses. Alright? No. You can have a big house. That's great. More com more more comfortable or Yeah. That's ahead. More room. More room. You know? But with that idea of, like, if I'm investing in that, my heart will stay small.

And and you know, Stephen, the this idea, you know, because we it can easily be turned into an either or proposition. Right. Either you're making memories or you're an egomaniac. Or you're making money. Or you're making money. And so I I've read a lot of biographies looking for people who, do both. Yeah. What I mean by that is that they have relationships and they are they they're on record, so to speak, as, people can tell stories, their children, their spouses, and friends can tell stories about their relationship with them while at the same time this person has contributed to the world. See, if you be who you're made to be and you do what you're made to do, you'll have what you're made to have, I say that a person can be, you know, good enough at home and good enough in the world because I mean we we do our life for for relationships, or for ego. That's the either or. We do our life in relationship and that can't help but spur us towards creating, making the world a better place, so to speak, contributing, participating, because we know the farther out we spread, the better the world we make for the future of the people we care about. Yeah. So you can do both. You can be, you know, contribute into what you're made to be like and who you're made to be with who you're made to be. And then out of that, you impact the world. Man, I think of my grandmother, my mom's mom, Marion Eads. She was the head of the recovery room at Vanderbilt Hospital thirty years. Yeah. Right? Twenty nine, technically. Yeah.

But and then after she retired from Vanderbilt, she went to work at another place. And then when she moved into an assisted living home, she would feed she'd go to Alzheimer's wing, feed the Alzheimer's patients patients. She would take mail around the floor. She was still nursing, essentially. Right? Up until, like, a couple of days before she died, like, she was still giving her heart away And care out of who she was made to be. Yes. Everyone was made to be a nurse. Yes. Right. Made to offer that kind of care. And I don't know. You know, she's touched thousands of lives. Right. In her lifetime. Yes. Right. Saved hundreds, if not thousands of lives. Yes. You know? She tells stories about getting on the phone in the middle of the night, calling these surgeons in to Vanderbilt Hospital, and they would be scared to death. Because because Oh, really? The younger ones, they they Yeah. Because these old ladies will call and, like, let them have it. Your patient's not dying on me. You better get in here and fix this person. Right. You know? So she was doing relationship, do what matters. Yeah. And there's no wing of a hospital named after her. No. You know? But there's there's lives changed and saved Yeah. Because of her presence in her life. And we've talked before that and it's so so beautiful. It's just like even when you describe her, I would like to have known her. Oh, she had a limp? Yeah. Like, she had a car she's a basketball player back when they did half court basketball when it was half court basketball. I remember. Yeah. Oh, you that was your did you play half court basketball with women?

No. I didn't. Gosh. Did you play all those basketball stories about the women's team? She funny. But she grew up doing that, and then she she was a good basketball player. They got in a car wreck. Yeah. And, it's back before they did all the knee replacement surgeries, so she walked with a limp forever. Like, big stiff leg. She was crippled. She was crippled. Yeah. And, and she loved singing in the church choir, but she could not sing. Wow. Like, great. E. B. White said anything worth doing is worth doing poorly if it's worth doing. Beautiful. Yeah. And so she would let me, there was a pole in the alto section of a column in our church going up, and she would let me sit beside her beside that pole so no one in the in the audience could see me in the choir lounge. Really? But I would sit next to my grandmother

and she would just, when I survey, I wonder if Christ Yeah. It was it was terrible and glorious. Yeah. She couldn't help but give her heart to things. Uh-huh. That's beautiful. So, I'm thinking about her in that. Yeah. She got it. Yeah, she got it. And ego is is easing God out. Yep. And she didn't. No. So and still she touches you today and maybe even people reminded of some caregiver in their lives who live beyond ego Yeah. And were great at home and great in the world, so to speak. Yeah. Do you know? It's it's important. It's really important. Maybe we need to all think about, like, what's the how do I show up in in the small ways in my life, you know, the small moments of my life? How do I live into those moments and be present in those moments, whether it's taking my kids to school or saying goodnight to my wife or mowing the grass or, like, the small moments that that, I can give my heart to to make great stories and great memories in. Do you know, Stephen, when I was, I was thinking about,

earlier today, we went to Sonya and I went to a lot of baseball games. Y'all went to a lot of baseball games. Yeah. And, we were talking about and and enjoyed we had the it was just we had great families. We did travel ball and, high school baseball, and tennis and William got to play together finally. And, you know, great heartache and great heartache. Went to rival colleges. Went to went to rival colleges. It didn't even matter, you know, but, yeah, Belmont Littler. Did you ever play against each other? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. No. No. No. Tragically, they they never did. Jensen got hurt? Well, yeah. They did. They did. They sure did. I remember William was a freshman and got struck out on three change ups. Three in a row. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because it it, and, it was Tennyson's roommate that that struck him out, you know. Tennyson's like, do three change ups. He can't No. He he wasn't gonna give it away. He would give it away. You know? But, we were talking about, the time we would it could easily be considered sort of wasted time. Do you know what I'm saying? We're sitting on the bleachers. We're watching. We're not talking to them. Another baseball tournament. Another baseball tournament. But, you know, I learned a whole lot about how the world kept going without me in it, and, I wasn't necessarily missing anything or losing anything. And even though I wasn't with them, before and after, I was, and they knew I was there. Yeah. And sometimes they knew I was there to their regret, you know, in terms of me yelling something, of course. Yeah. And, nevertheless, mistakes and all, I learned a great deal about being in a relationship by being willing to go watch. Mhmm. Do you know what I'm saying? Just I was there. Yeah. I've got the memories of it. In fact, baseball was a tragic and wonderful game for Tennyson, and then for William too, but Tennyson had a lot of injuries. But I remember, for example, when William finished up his, college career, you know, I'm going to miss it. But I remember as soon as the coach finished talking to him the last game that he would ever play, I remember he walked over to me, and and he just fell in my arms, just started crying. He said, Thank you so much for every time you've been with me. You've never you've always been there. He said, you know, like his classic cliche statement, but He meant it. He meant it. And then, Tennis and I were talking about just some of the things, you know, he remembers and what I got to see and do. And I said, Well, what was that like? He said, Well, I remember this, I remember that. Just had a long, times of reminiscing related to, having lived together. And I And paid attention. And paid attention. Yeah. And remembered. And then remarking on his memory of it, there can't be anything but food for the heart like you sitting by your grandmother in the choir loft behind the pole. And even as you described her, you could remember her and are touched by a terrible voice that sang like Beautiful, like an angel. Terrible voice angel. Like an angel. Yeah. You were a kid who picked up on what mattered and you knew that she knew what mattered,

And I guess kids sometimes lose focus on how they have to give up on They gotta go be someone in order to have a life Yeah. And forget. Yeah. You know? Or they never came from a place where they belonged or mattered to somebody. I'll tell you something too, Steve. We you know, we're doing this, parenting, but we don't know what the name of it is. We were going to call it Drafts on Ice. And then we were going to call it Pick n With Heart. It may be called Imperfect Parents. Something with Imperfect Parents. Or Imperfect Kids or something. That's what I want to call it. No one will buy that book. No one wants you. No one wants imperfect kids, even though that's the only the only kid they're gonna get. Do you know that's there's a lot of truth to that. A lot of people would not pick it up because it's it's an affront, isn't it? Yes. It's just too truthful. It's too honest. It it really is.

Yeah. Well, you know, I forgot what I was gonna say. That's okay. Yeah. We'll do another podcast about if you're forgetting because you're getting old. Uh-huh. You probably forgot that too. Yeah. Hey. Hey. Do you know oh, by the way, I played co ed softball this fall. I have not played in thirty years. And I'm not saying I played a lot of softball beforehand, but I'm, you know, I play I play sports and so on. But, you know, I got hit in the mouth as far as practice. But we won the co ed, league. You missed how many games because of the split mouth? None. Okay. None. It was it was great. I thought they might have won. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Yeah. And Sonya said afterwards, now listen. I'm 60. I told the guy beforehand, like, hey. I'm the guy you don't want to play. Coed church softball. I know. I know it's nothing. Right? But still, I said, hey.

All the wins count. Yeah. Exactly. Every hit counts. But I I said, I'm the guy you don't want to want to play. He said, no. Come on. It'll be fun. So I mean and it was really it was it was fun. And Sonya said, god, just I really, really thought you'd be better. Oh. It had been a long time, and it's true. I think I'm done with any kind of softball pretty much. Really? No. I don't know. Do you have any good hits? Not many, Steve. Not I know. I know. Not many. Slow pitch looks easier than it is. Well, and I I got glasses during the season thinking maybe that's the problem. Yeah. It may not be the problem. If I switch muscles, it's gonna slow down. Well, I don't know. But you can sprint.

Well, and yet a guy screamed at me. You're not racing anybody. The guy screamed at me. He said, cut the piano. Cut the piano from drag He said, like, I was dragging a piano behind me when I was running. I'm like, really? So y'all do trash talking in your church softball? There's one guy there's there's one guy that comes, and he picked me out the trash talk. He's like, how do I find this in my history everywhere I go? It's co ed softball. You can't say these things. And I said, hey, why don't you come out here? We're gonna throw down right here. He said, well, I'm in knee replacement, so I got a hip replacement. Come on, you know, we talk. In the transience

and the ambition. Transience and ambition. You know, we're we're you know, it's it's whether we're here a long years like your grandmother or life is tragically short. It's the living of it and the memories related to living it, and those memories of living it are almost always gonna be about relationship. Unless there's some pathetic story about remembering scores. I mean, you've heard the old story about, who won the world series two years ago. Nobody remembers, but you can remember an incident, a conversation, a moment in a relationship. Yeah. Thanks Jim. And that's not transient. That's permanent.